Just one more thing....

Okay, calm down. One at a time!

2008-06-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

Der.
I have so many things to do around here that I can't seem to pick just one (or four) to work on. I've been doing a little of this and a little of that, and now the apartment is way messier than it was when I started.
Going to pick one thing. Okay, the kitchen. Finish that before hanging any new shelves or building anything else.

Sheesh!

Yeah, and I have actually painted my toe nails, too!

2008-06-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

It's 3:15 and my headache has finally gone away. Fuck! I didn't think I was that drunk last night, though I barely remember going to bed. Mostly, I think it was the fact that I drank wine in the afternoon and a lot of beer. I know the rule-Never mix the grape and the grain-I did not follow the rule. I pay the price. Meh. I had fun damnit! That's what life's about.

Missing the fella awful bad. Six days and no word. Yes, I wish he'd call, but at the same time, I know he needs his space as do I. It'd just be nice. I know that some of my girlfriends would be so mad at him if they read this, but I am not mad at him. I figure that he needs some feeling of independence. He needs to feel like a man again, and I think he deserves that. He's had a shitty year and has had everyone worrying about him as though he is helpless. Because of that, he started acting helpless and letting all of us take care of him and do everything for him. That's bad for so many reasons and it's an easy trap to get caught in. From both sides.

Yeah, I miss him, but this is good.

I'm taking this time alone to get a lot of stuff done that I just never seem to allow myself to make time for. Things like painting. It's been years and years since I've done any of that. I want to move my pre-war Lionel train set into the livingroom (doesn't really go with the pin-up girl pics and naughty bedroom decor) but the shelf that I have for it is black, as are the two engines, and they won't show up, so I'm going to draw or paint city-scapes or maybe country side backdrops for the train cars. It may be cute, or it may be hokey, but both are my tastes, so that's good!
I'd also like to write again. Nothing special, just rev up my journal. I got really lazy about that too. I watch way too much tv and don't do enough for my poor suffering brain.

I hope he calls tonight, but I am going to just do my own thing and not worry about it if he doesn't. I know he loves me and misses me, but he's gotta do his own thing for awhile.

As do I.

You are so dirty!

2008-04-04T20:02:00.001-07:00

I'm going to start making my own soaps and lotions now. I'll keep doing the resin stuff, but for the time being, I want to make good smelling stuff until it's warm enough to open the windows. The cat and fella do not like the scent of polyester resin like I do. Mmmmm!

I'm pretty excited. I've been looking online for recipes for the lotions, and it looks EASY! Like, I can walk the two blocks to the grocery store and get all of the ingredients that I need! Hooray! I love it when it's easy!! Easy is my favorite! Look who I'm dating! *rim shot*

I want to make a line for men as well. Boys like to smell good and have soft skin too! The just tend to not really like to smell like girls, so I am going to come up with macho smelling stuff. Heh. Macho always makes me laugh!

Speaking of macho. Today, I saw a truck with those rims that keep spinning when the wheels are stopped. It was just parked across the street with nobody in it and those rims were spinning really fast still. All I could think of was Scooby Doo and how when they are scared their leggs are spinning but they haven't moved yet. maybe the truck was scared of something?

Oh yeah. Soap. That was what I was talking about. yeah. I'm going to make some.

Scooter and the Big Man busted this city in half last night

2008-03-30T10:46:00.001-07:00

Last night was my second time seeing Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, but it felt like the first time I really saw them as The E Street band. I saw them for the first time on The Rising tour which was great, but this time it seemed more like it was Bruce and His boys (and a girl)! More like a glorified bar band! Fantastic!

Getting to see him singing his version of Because The Night was so cool! I love that song and never really thought I'd ever get a chance to hear him doing it. And She's The One is always a great song!

It was funny, before the show, my two brothers, sister and sister-in-law (this was her first concert EVER) we were sitting in a bar talking about what songs we wanted to hear. Mine was Rosalita, and Mary said that Point Blank was the one going through her head. He had done Rosalita a few times on this tour, but not very often. I think two times before and hadn't done Point Blank at all. My brother kinda laughed and said (about that song) "Well, you never know, but I don't think he's doing that song anymore". Guess what songs he sang. Point Blank was a beautiful version!

He also did 10th Avenue Freeze Out which we weren't expecting because that new song Livin' In The Future kinda sounds a bit like it. I love the new song and accepted that I might just have to only get that one, but then he does 10th Ave during the encore!

Sheesh! I am just still really excited about that show!

We couldn't have been higher up, but thankfully, my brother lent me his binoculars (which I've never used at a rock show before) and so I got to see Clarence Clemmons sitting in his giant gold chair which even with my new glasses would not have been able to notice without the binocs!

I feel like such a nerd! After the show I went up to the bar to see S. while he was working. He knows that if I am excited about someone especially Bruce, that he should feign the same excitement so that I don't feel so nerdy. However, I was a bit TOO excited this time and most of the people who are "too cool to like bruce" were doing a lot of smiling and nodding so I just decided to go home and tell the kidda all about the show instead.

Still lonely.

2008-03-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

Jeez! This sucks. Here I am in a good relationship for the most part, except for the fact that I am so lonely.
Would it be wrong to go online and try to meet someone to go do stuff with? Like, Steve can be my boyfriend, but I'd have a play friend. And not in the sexual way, just someone to go play darts with or go to the zoo with or something like that. Is that icky?

Then, on a lighter note.

2008-03-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

I LOVE Daiso Japan!!!!!!

Okay, besides the fact that that they have tons and tons of stuff for under 8 bucks, but mostly $1.50, they have so many tools to make my resin stuff easier!!!!! I got several grinders and sand paper wheel things (see how good I am at tool talk?) that fit onto my cordless drill, so I can do stuff in 5 minutes that used to take me an hour!!! Huzzah!!!!!

Plus, I bought a pair of sponges that look like egg sandwiches! A buck fifty!!!!

I know they have a bunch of them on the West Coast, I don't know if you Easterners are as lucky, but I sure hope so! This is the best place!!! I only just discovered it a few months ago, but make a trip there every Sunday after payday!

Alone together.

2008-03-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

I have never had to deal with someone else's depression to such a degree before. I don't think I'm any good at it. In fact, I think I suck at it and make things worse.
I want to be supportive, and think I am trying, but seem to always say the wrong things, or say them the wrong way. Sometimes, I feel like apologizing for asking how his day was, or how he's feeling. I wish I could figure it out.
He's been working for the past few days, but comes home really tired and I am supposed to cater to him or something. Well, as much as I'd love to help, I too work a lot. And hard! I get really tired after being on my feet on concrete for 8.5 hours! Maybe I want to be catered to?

I don't want to sound sexist, but has anyone else noticed that men are pretty fucking delicate? When he is sore, it's like the end of the world! When I am sore, I will say "ow" if I move funny, but I am still a friendly person. I just buck up and tough it out. I've noticed this in other men I've been around too, so I don't think it's just him. But JEEZ, we're old! We are gonna hurt a lot more often now!

But anyway, back to his being depressed. How do you keep believing that the person loves you when they don't touch you hardly ever let alone even look at you? If I feel insecure about it and say something, he gets upset and defensive. Yeah, that makes me feel MUCH more secure, doesn't it? What am I supposed to do? Just blindly believe? What if he IS getting sick of me? Do I just end up humiliated? Fuck. I hate this.

I want a handbook on how to live with and stay in love with a depressed person!!!!

Seattle, if I didn't love you, I'd hate you!

2008-03-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite buildings came down today. Actually, it's coming down while I type this. I guess they waited so I'd get to see it happening. Heh.
I was certain that it'd been saved! I swear I read that they were not going to tear down the Frederick and Nelson's Stables, built in the later part of the 1800s. Apparently, only the facade will remain. At least that's something.
I am getting so tired of the way this city knocks down anything remotely cool. It all just makes me sad.

This whole neighborhood is making me sad. Sure, I am benefiting from some of it. More places to eat and drink, but so many of the buildings that I have loved over the years are disappearing.
And don't get me started on the SLUT. The name is the only good thing about it. My "low income rent" is starting to not seem so because our property taxes have been raised to pay for this thing that makes no sense for me to even use! It takes me 10 minutes to walk to work. Were I to take the SLUT, it would take me 20 minutes. Why am I paying for this thing? So people who work in this 'hood can go to lunch downtown? They'd better start thanking me for giving them a ride, damnit!

All of the cool houses will soon be gone soon, I'm sure. I don't want to leave the 'hood. I love it.

Thanks for letting me rant. I've no idea how much sense I am making. I'm just really sad. That Frederick and Nelson building would have made some really cool lofts. Now it's going to be Amazon. Feh.

2008-03-08T07:56:00.000-08:00

I've added Spanish to my lessons on www.livemocha.com This is super fun! I need to get a microphone so I can practice my pronunciations!

I hate you voice of reason! You suck!

2008-03-08T07:47:00.000-08:00

Well, poop. I do really want to go to Port Townsend, but the stupid voice of reason showed up this morning and reminded me that I still have a lot of stuff to do around the house. I still need to finish a bunch of those bracelets, take photos and get them listed on etsy. Maybe what I'll do is save up some money and make an overnight trip out of it! That would be nicer anyway.

So, about the bracelets, I really need to get my ass in gear, don't I? I have a box of almost finished ones and I keep making more. I should start asking Steve to do the finishing sanding, though I'm sure he doesn't have the confidence to do it. I can understand that. I'd be bummed if I messed up someone else's work. But if I taught him how to do it, it'd be fine. It's just too hard to get him interested in much of anything these days, though. *sigh*

I'm getting another raise this week! Because my boss is leaving for another store, it's his last gesture to thank me for helping him out so much. He's pretty sure that the new manager is too cheap with the company's money to be handing out raises (even though I should be making much more than I am!) so he's doing this for me! Hooray! I do really need it! I'm still more or less supporting two of us, and until one of S.'s jobs actually pans out, I am going to continue to do so. This raise is small, but is going to help a ton! Yay!

I need to get away, damnit!!!!

2008-03-07T22:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, I love the fella, but sheesh, he needs to start acting like he likes me instead of just saying that he loves me. It makes a difference. He's nicer to people that he doesn't like than he is to those of us that he loves.

Anyhoo, I figure that I can't spend another day off sitting around wishing he'd want to do something. I don't know how to drive, so I'm figuring out a way to go somewhere cool using public transportation. There may be a way to go bus-ferry-bus and get to Port Townsend! I'd love to do that! I grew up spending my summers there camping at my uncle's beach and then going into town.
What was that movie that was filmed there? Oh yeah, Officer and a Gentleman. Yeah, that bar that someone in it fought in (I've never actually seen the whole movie)? I tripped on a crack out front and ate pavement in front of that bar when I was 11.

Port Townsend is a cool little town. Built in the Victorian era as the potential main port, but lost to Tacoma and for years became run down and mostly abandoned until the 1970s when hippies started moving out there to get cheap houses.

Now, it is fucking adorable! Lot's of shops and hopefully, still has the best ice cream shop in the world!!! And I LOVE Victorian architecture!!!!

Okay, so it seems that if I take the ferry to Bainbridge, then take the #90 to Poulsbo, I can then transfer to the #7 to Port Townsend. I have no idea how long it will take, or how much it's going to cost exactly, but it's looking like a round trip for under 12 bucks! Hooray!

I wish steve would come with, but I'd bet the fare that he won't. :(

I do not like tequila!

2007-08-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

I do not like it one bit. Well, I like it at the time, but I never can drink it without a hangover the next day. I actually got sick at work! That is NOT good!

No more going out for drinks on Fridays! Not even one, 'cause that always leads to two, which then leads to bad judgment and more drinks. I am now grounded on Fridays.

Going to Harry Potter!!!!!

2007-07-23T15:05:00.001-07:00

OH BOY, OH BOY, OH BOY!!!!!!!

The fella just needs to get out of bed and join me!

For someone who talks so damned much, I really have a hard time blogging!

2007-07-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

I think I am going to try this again. I always say that, don't I? Hahaha!

Anyhoo, Since it's been a year (about) since I got fired and my life kinda got turned upside-down and backward. I am trying extra hard now to right it. I've made lists of fun things that I need to do, both with other people, as well as more alone shit, as I now have more alone time (rats!). It's a fucking fun list! I can't wait to get working on it. I've already done a few of the things, like make these cool shelves for my kitchen, and I'm going to see Harry Potter tomorrow.

One thing that I want to do I am really excited about! http://www.cwb.org/RentABoat.htm I've wanted to go here for so long and it's right down the street! Funny how depression can keep you from doing the simplest of things! I just need to force myself to have fun. That sounds so strange, but it's true!

I realized the other day that for the past 2.5 years, I have been surrounded by a shitload of seriously bad things. Most of it didn't happen to me directly, but to people that I love and care for, and sometimes that can be almost as bad as if it happens to you. No wonder I've had such a hard time. Then on top of that, I found out that some of my "friends" were not so much friends as they were my audience and when the show stopped being happy and fun, they turned it off and walked away. Oh well. A good way to find out, right? Still, it bummed me out, and I am on my way to moving past that as well. I mean, yeah, I had some nerve being grumpy and upset after getting fired, I know. Sheesh! hahahaha!

So yeah, I need to let all of this bad shit go, and have fun again, and BE fun again. I like that me a ton better.

Wish me luck, yo!

Oh yeah, and I lightened up the color on this thing too. I love black and all, but maybe, just maybe, I could go a shade or five lighter once in a while? Hee!

Not a lot of time

2006-09-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I have not posted on this thing in months and months! I was just checking it 'cause I am avoiding myspace. I logged on for a minute to accept an invite from a 3D friend and all of the sudden, about 5 guys wrote to me! I need to change my picture. Apparently, it is far to arousing. hahahahaha!

Have a good day.

Online dating is weird!

2006-03-27T11:04:00.000-08:00

I signed up for an online dating site last August. It's been very strange, yet sort of fun. Still, I don't know if it is really for me.

The first guy that I met up with had lied about his age by 10 years. Said he was 38 and he was actualy 49. Had he been honest with me, I still might have considered dating him, who knows, but the fact that he lied about his age and posted 15 year old photos leads me to believe that he is not comfortable with himself nor his age.

NEXT!

After that, nobody wrote to me at all for about two months.

Over the next few months, I would sporatically go on a date or two, some I liked, others I didn't, but nothing stuck. Still, it's fun.

Then the super freaky weird guy came along. An hour into it, he tried to kiss me. I told him no, and he tried to manipulate me by crying! That didn't work, so he told me that he just found out that day that his father has cancer! When that didn't work, he got a little angry and told me that nobody had ever rejected him in all of his 38 years. Yeah. Right. It was awful! I seriously was expecting Candid Camera to come out and tell me that I'd been gotten! Nope. This guy was for real.

This only happened under a week ago. I have another date today, but I'm still weirded out by the other guy. That's not fair to this guy. I need to just suck it up, and go have a good time.

I really with there was another way to meet men in Seattle, but it seems that they don't ask women out in person. Only online. Very strange times, these.

I'm a horrible softball player!

2006-03-13T12:23:00.000-08:00

I suck! Seriously! Still, it was so much fun and i can't wait to got back again next Sunday! I only caught two balls and only made a hit go further than the pitcher once! Still, it'll come back to me with a little practice! I used to be good! I figure that it's sort of like riding a bike, no?

The best part of the practice was that I wasn't the only one wheezing! Almost everyone on the team smokes, so it was funny to hear everyone huffing and puffing after only running to first! hahaha! After we all got a turn to hit, we took a smoke break! Oh! You just have got to love punk rockers playing sports! It's a beautiful thing!

Still, now that it staying light leter in the day, I will soon be able to ride my bike to work and not have it be dark by the time I get off. That will help my poor winter ravaged lungs!

I think the reason that softball is going to be so much fun is that almost the whole team is bad at playing, but they're all playing for fun! There are two guys who are good, but they don't want to play on the team that takes themselves so seriously! It's good to have them! Hooray!!!!

I love spring, and I love softball!

Boy, oh boy!

2006-03-06T17:08:00.000-08:00

I went to the first softball meeting of the season last night! I'm very excited!

This is my first time playing with the Cafe Venus team, Venus Envy. I've wanted to for years, but I always had to work on Sundays, and last year I just missed the sign-up. This year, nothing is going to stop me!!!

I guess this team only won one game last year, but I was assured that our team has more fun than the teams who kick our asses. That's really all that matters to me. I'm not super competitive, bI just like to play! I've not been on a team in years and years.

There's a story that my father loves to tell about me playing softball when I was in 3rd grade. I was up to bat and hit a line drive that hit the shortstop in the face, she went down, and the ball kept going. I was so upset that I'd hurt someone that I started crying. Although I was upset, it was a home run and I knew that it was my job to run the bases anyway. When i got back home, the mother of the shortstop was comforting ME instead of her daughter 'cause I was so upset about it. Yeah, I was a sensitive child. What I didn't know until last week is that I was so upset about it, I refused to play softball anymore. The coach was callng our house trying to get me to change my mind as I was the clean-up hitter. I guess I just refused.

I really hope that I don't hurt anyone this season!

Valentine's Day

2006-02-11T10:21:00.000-08:00

Oh, here it is again. All of those awful jewelry commercials that show women being pissed at their husband's for not buying their presents at the right store. Sit-coms about men not doing the right thing and then getting in big trouble with their wives and girlfriends, only to have to crawl on his knees and swallow the last shred of dignity to make her let him sleep in the bed again.

Why is this holiday made to be such a power struggle? I mean, when did love become about how to make people do what you want them to do?

These ads and shows just make me very happy to be single on Valentine's Day.

When I used to be in a couple, I'd get in trouble every year for doing things "the wrong way". It isn't about how you show your love for someone anymore, it's about how you are told to show your love for someone. Um...I don't like that.

I want to come up with a new holiday! This will be a holiday celebrating the people who can function just fine as single people. I don't want it to be about how bitter single people are, but how fun it can be. Celebrating freedom, if you will.

It's only fair. I mean, besides Valentine's Day-NYE, Christmas, and Thanksgiving cater most to, and are commercially directed to couples and those with families. Those holidays can make the single person feel even more alone than they do on regular days.

So, from here on out, on March 3rd, buy your single friends presents, or cocktails. Send them cards, make them dinner. Whetever you want to do for them. This is OUR day! :)

Now I just need to come up with a catchy name for it!

This day rocks!

2006-02-10T16:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, this whole fake spring thing is really great! Customers are coming into the store again and they are actually buying stuff!!! Everyone seems to be in really good moods and are being as chatty as me! I LOVE that! I don't feel so weird when other people don't shut up too!

THEN, right after my boss showed up, all of the power went off! We were all running around to the other shops in the area to talk to them, and the power was off there as well! I guess the guys who are doing the retrofitting on the draw bridge had cut into the main powerline! Half of the neighborhood was without power! That didn't stop the customers though. They were trying on clothing in the dark! haha! We didn't make any sales though. Try as they may, they couldn't see themselves well enough to tell if the clothing looked good or not.

My boss and I decided that since it was such a beautiful day, that we were just going to play hookie, so we closed at 3:00! I took the long way home and went downtown and walked around! It was so nice!

I hope this weather stays good for awhile! This grumpy ol' town needs it!

SAY CHEESE!!!!

2006-02-06T21:34:00.000-08:00

MEOW!

Sneaky Spring!

2006-02-06T15:50:00.000-08:00

I'm not falling for it, but I sure am enjoying this sneak peak at spring! I even have my windows open to air out stinky winter! Hooray!

I'm even doing some cleaning if you can believe it! I think I may even be able to vaccum in a bit! Woohooo!

Now, if I get my place all tidy, something catastophic better not happen! It always seems to work that way. I am NOT going to think that way! NOPE!

Things are too pretty!

Even Kidda is digging on it!

2006-02-05T18:23:00.000-08:00

I'm missing my friends!

I think I figured out why I am so damn blue today. It's Sunday. Sundays for years have been my big night out. "French Class' doesn't exist anymore since Franny and Shawn have moved. I am really missing them.

I have a lot of fun in my life, I wouldn't change it for the world! I have some really great friends too, who I love with all of my heart! Most of them, though, work real hours and can't go out on Sundays with me.

I am the type of person who needs what I like to call "frantic fun". Frantic fun is when you just let loose completely. Make a total ass out of yourself with your friends joining in. Doing it alone sucks. It's best when there are like three or four people jumping off the stage, hoola hooping, interpretive dancing, or making "enterances" through the velvet curtains. There is nobody left at the Mars who likes to do stuff like that, so If I did it, I'd look like a crazy person. I just don't know what I can do about it. I am feeling super antsy, and need to laugh until my sides hurt. I NEED that. Especially today.

Maybe I'll just go out and see what happens tonight. I can't stand one more day staying at home.

I think I am getting more stupider every passing year!

2005-01-24T16:20:00.000-08:00

I tell ya, I used to fancy myself as a bit of a smarty-pants, but these days I'm not so sure.

I cannot for the life of me figure out how to post a photo in my profile! I mean, come on now, it can't be THAT hard. But here I am, unable to figure it out.

Just last night, at the Mars, I was smoking and talking to my friend Tom, when a bit of the cherry from my cigarette fell onto the bar. So I tried to pick it up with my fingers! Sheesh. Well, yes, I did burn my hand.

Then there was the drunken wrestling with a boy. I have big bruises all over.

Do they make any pills for this ailment?

Hmmmm.....

2005-01-23T20:17:00.000-08:00

...so I guess I'll see how I like doing this.

I am still a bit miffed that I couldn't use annetastic in my address, but hey, I'll get over it soon enough.

I am really hoping that I do not become addicted to this as well. It's hard enough getting the dishes done with tribe always looming nearby, begging me to type some nonsense into it. *sigh* I need to learn to be strong. Awww, who am I kidding? I love to chat! I'm good at it.